A new life experience unlocked for millions around the world, when folks were forced to tear themselves off the deep recesses of their couches, step outside and touch grass after the PlayStation Network (PSN) went down for longer than it apparently takes for a hostile takeover of a government.
It was a date that will live in infamy as gamers were cornered into contemplating their life choices, not just in terms of their hardware, but why their partners had to leave when all they had asked for was a pack of Prime Hydration Strawberry Banana. Researchers also pointed to a spike in searches for intrusive thoughts (although most were in the ballpark of, ‘what is that voice in my head’ and ‘am I actually dumb?’), and the current state of the world at large.
Meanwhile, not only Sony, but industry behemoths like Microsoft speed-ran through the five stages of grief, with the former profusely apologising to its multi-tier paying subscribers for the longest outage in recent memory, and along with the latter, announcing a re-think of the digital-only future of gaming and also throwing in a commitment to focus more on single-player games. Sony even went as far as to promise that their new disc drives won’t have to be verified online before they could be used. It truly felt like some valuable lessons were learned during this catastrophe.
I jest.
While the wails of innocent children filled the skies as the weekend ticked away, and they couldn’t launch their favourite battle royale (or much of anything), Sony issued a tweet equivalent of the ‘this is fine’ meme flirting with the sentiment of ‘u mad bro?’. Mega Corporations, amirite? I’m sure it wasn’t their fault, but some poor chumps’ somewhere who couldn’t see the value in their forever-degrading service and cancelled a forever-inflating subscription because they had to save enough for their brain transplants; kicking off some domino in the process, screwing us all. In a digital only-AI culture-warring future, you gotta make ’em pay.
Anywho, as the network slowly comes back online and everyone begins to retreat back into their shells and bubbles, for anyone who liked the touch of the grass and was startled by the goings-on outside their windows, here’s a brilliant YouTube channel recommendation for you — Crime Pays But Botany Doesn’t, and a word of advice, read some history.
